enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize