So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
