Screwed.edu
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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