I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
