it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
