shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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