id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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