You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize