I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
