she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
