I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize