he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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