I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
