so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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