what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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