i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
