i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
