dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
