It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize