Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
