the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize