I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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