O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
