Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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