His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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