im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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