I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
