just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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