The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
