it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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