He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
