You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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