Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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