I have demons in me.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
