Where did you get a picture of my penis
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
