You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
