I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
