woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
