i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
