The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
