Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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