the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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