he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
