i was born a porn star she said
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
