my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
