Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
