I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize