Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize