mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
