My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
