So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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