Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I supernannyed him into submission
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize