@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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