If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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