Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You can't special order awesome
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
