And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
