Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
