dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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