remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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