He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
