that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
