I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She bit a glass in half.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
