You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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