I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
