I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
