Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
