Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
