I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
All the doctor said was why
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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